Give Me Money

From: spencer_katt@ziffdavis.com

Sent: Monday, January 16, 2006 12:12 AM

To: eWEEK readers

Subject: Pixelated pickings; General Blues; from BMC to EMC; scratching out a living

"Brother, can you spare a dime," laughed the Lynx when a friend called and told him Alex Tews pixel-advertising scheme, The Million Dollar Homepage, just succeeded in selling 1 million pixels—each capable of launching an ad—for more than $1 million in just under five months. Started in August, the novel marketing idea seems to have been a hit.

The penniless Puss was drowning his sorrows and dreaming up his own get-rich-quick schemes at the Route 22 American Restaurant and Bar, a noted Big Blue watering hole practically across the street from IBM headquarters in Armonk, N.Y. As the Katt bid his phone pal adieu and sipped his cocktail, he overheard some Big Blue suits grousing about the chutzpah of General Motors CIO Ralph Szygenda, whos set to award about 40 outsourcing contracts to a variety of providers. According to the chatter, it seemed the beleaguered GM may be looking for extended payment terms that would never be feasible for a company with sane accounting guidelines—like, unfortunately, IBM. Failure to bend to King Ralphs will could cost the providers dearly, the suits moaned.

The Katt hopped into the KattMobile and began the long drive back to Beantown. Soon, the KattPhones new ring tone, "Money" by The Kingsmen, alerted him to a call from a crony who said Hitachi Data Systems has plans to release a product similar to EMCs Centera that targets the high-growth fixed-content storage market by March or April. The pal also said that a private equity firm is looking to snap up BMC Software. Apparently, the word on the street is that the equity firm has partnered with a vendor thats looking to scoop up some of BMCs products for its own portfolio. Barreling on, the Baron of Babble figured the only thing he could acquire to aid his finances was a Massachusetts State Lottery ticket. As he pulled into a convenience store, the Grimalkin grumbled that everyone except him seemed to be rolling in cash—such as National Semiconductor CEO Brian Halla and COO Donald Macleod, who, along with three other execs, exercised their stock options last month for a total of $53 million. Halla reportedly received about $20 million for his shares.

Even former Attorney General John Ashcrofts firm, The Ashcroft Group, is cleaning up these days. The company is attracting a lot of consulting work from companies wrangling with government issues. It is reportedly already on Oracles speed dial, helping Larry Ellison and friends hasten government approval of acquisitions and navigate homeland security issues.

As Spence tossed away his losing scratch ticket, he got a call from a Penguinista who said, as part of Microsofts Shared Source Initiative, Redmond casually shipped IronPython, an open-source scripting language that works in tandem with .Net. "I always thought IronPython was a metal band," mused the Mouser. "Maybe after making billions, Gates and Co. have realized the best things in life are free."