Visible Man Hits Wall Street

By Spencer F. Katt  |  Posted 2006-06-05 Print this article Print

Ballmer keeps 'monkey boy' dance under wraps for investors

If I was invisible, then I could just watch you in your room," cackled the Clay Aiken-mocking Mouser. El Gato was giddy when he heard that the nanotech nabobs at Imperial College London were working with "meta-material" to try to create a stealthy "cloak of invisibility." The nanotech material being developed would apparently bend light to make anyone wearing the fabric become invisible. "Id find a nice cozy corner in Pamela Andersons house and hunker down," said Spence, as he dreamed of owning such a stealth suit.

The prurient Puss was soon startled by the clarion call of the KattPhone. The caller was a bullish buddy who told Spence that during Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmers chat with Wall Street analysts, Ballmer jokingly acknowledged his famous "Monkey Boy" developer video, but he assured the crowd that he wouldnt start yelling, "Investors, investors, investors." Ballmer did say that Microsofts digital plans for the next 10 years will make paper and pencils obsolete. "Yeah, Im still waiting on Bill Gates 2004 prediction that spam would be solved in two years," laughed the Lynx. Meanwhile, Gates himself attended The Wall Street Journals D:4 All Things Digital conference in Carlsbad, Calif., where he dropped several hints that Microsoft may be launching a handheld device in the next year or so, said the Baron of Babbles buddy.

Bidding his bud adieu, Spence considered trying to create his own invisibility cloak by wrapping foil around an old afghan but sensibly skatted off to work instead. There, a crony told him that Michael Dell recently visited Dells Winston-Salem, N.C., facility. The 7-month-old plant currently employs more than 1,000 workers. "Operations in Winston-Salem are rapidly becoming our most efficient," said Dell of the facility. Sadly, noted Spence, in another sector of the tech galaxy, Gateway has announced that its closing down its Kansas City, Mo., operations early this summer. The companys 130 Kansas City employees have been given notice, and the sales and service functions they perform will be absorbed by the companys South Dakota facility.

Still wishing he was invisible, Spence decided to disappear for a long lunch with a crony at Coogans bar in Beantown. Over some brewskis, the pal told Spence that CA is offering a free version of its eTrust EZ Antivirus software to folks who plan on using Microsoft Windows Vista. "Sounds like getting an inoculation before you head off into the jungle," groused the Grimalkin.

The pal also told Spence that Morgan Stanley recently filed a complaint with the National Arbitration Forum against "Meow," a pseudonym for a Michael Woods who registered the domain name According to NAF documents, Woods defense was highly original: "Respondent alleges that it (Meow) is a cat (sic: the domestic pet). According to Respondent, it allows Mr. Woods (a human) to use the domain name registration in providing a service." Despite Woods feline fabrication, the NAF ruled in favor of Morgan Stanley. "Youre the man now, dog," tittered the Tabby.


And dont forget me at


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