Sent: Monday, April 11, 2005 12:07 AM
To: eWEEK readers
Subject: Katt-a-tonic withdrawal; takeovers and makeovers
"Why wasnt I sober when I took my SATs?" sobbed Spencer. El Gato was inconsolable after reading a Securities and Exchange Commission filing from Hewlett-Packard that stated the company was going to award $3 million to its executive vice president and chief financial officer, Robert Wayman, for the month and a half he held HPs interim CEO position.
"What am I doing wrong in this life? I need to isolate myself from the minutiae and take a Think Week sabbatical as Bill Gates does and come up with a life strategy," cried the Stephen Covey-coveting Kitty.
Scooping up his PlayStation Portable, MP3 and DVD players, a cooler, and a stack of periodicals, the to-do-list Tabby checked in to a nearby Holiday Inn.
Ensconced in his fortress of solitude, the Puss was pondering the Junior Jumble in a week-old newspaper when the KattPhone, which he had neglected to leave behind, blared forth with a call from a source at the Gartner Outsourcing Summit in L.A.
The caller claimed a Gartner guru predicted that it wont be long until a major Indian outsourcer strikes a deal to buy a major American outsourcing outfit, emulating the "Americanization" strategy of Japanese automakers.
Suddenly Spences BlackBerry began throbbing wildly. It was a message from a pal saying that Siebels poor financial performance has again heated up rumors that the company could be on the acquisition block.
The buddy said another company that may soon be for sale is NetIQ, which spun off its WebTrends Web analytics business to a private equity company last month.
SunGard Data Systems recently made a similar move, before it was snatched up by an equity company.
The pal also told Spence a lawsuit has been filed by a Groove Networks employee alleging that Groove minions and minority shareholders got a raw deal from Microsofts acquisition of the company for the bargain-basement price of $120 million.
A knock at the door produced a pal whod just witnessed Red Sox Director of IT Steve Conley speak at an Avaya-sponsored roundtable in Boston.
The buddy said Conley told the crowd that hed attempted to set up a Wi-Fi network at spring training this year and found it extremely glitchy.
Amusingly, he said he finally traced the problem to interference from the plethora of camera equipment being used by the "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" TV crew.
After a few brews, Spence ushered the pal out and returned to his reading.
Poring over his essential literature, the Rumor Monger reflected: "My, theyre drawing Wonder Woman quite provocatively these days."