A Patently Offensive Threat
I am, of course, talking about broad, obvious patents that the U.S. Patent Office seems to hand out to anyone with a pulse (actually, I think a corpse could probably get a patent, too).
Since the Patent Office doesnt seem to care about things like prior art or originality, never mind innovation, I figure Im all set to get a few patents, then squeeze companies that want to avoid court challenges—until the inevitable time when a court overturns the patent, which will pretty much have no negative repercussions for me, even though I stagnated a key market for a while.
Patent No. 1 is what I call a system for receiving data transmitted through a gaseous medium (hereafter referred to as air) which is delivered to optical devices (eyes) and then processed by a chemical/electrical computing device. This system can be used to deliver a variety of data, from images to text to spatial/relational data. So all you companies out there that are making money from people looking at things would be best off sending me a check.
I can see my mailbox filling with checks as we speak. But thats not my best patent idea.
Heres my killer patent: A technique for filing obvious, well-known ideas, technologies and business processes, which are then accepted as legally protected "patents" by a turn-key automatic acceptance agency (hereafter referred to as the US Patent Office). Said "patents" are then used as a legal billy club to extort businesses, remove choice and stifle legitimate innovation.
Once I get this patent, Ill really be raking it in, and I intend to enforce this one vigorously. After all, real innovations and ideas might finally have a chance then.
Whats your take on patents for obvious business processes and technologies? Let me know at jim_rapoza@ziffdavis.com.
