Nerds Are Winning the Online Dating Game

By Darryl K. Taft  |  Posted 2015-02-14 Print this article Print
DevOps nerds

A recent study shows that so-called "nerds" are winning in the online dating game as geeky skills and humor garner positive results with the ladies.

It's Valentine's Day, a day of romance, and it appears that nerds are getting their share.

It's true that nerds have already gained their "revenge" in the world of money-making and clout, and with that comes appeal from the opposite sex.

According to a recent study from online matchmaker (PDA), when it comes to scoring dates online, brainy guys are pulling more dates than jocks by more than 2-to-1.

Let's just face it, nerds are cool. They have lots of money and power—they rule Silicon Valley and hold sway on Wall Street. But when it comes to success with the ladies, the pattern has been "bros rule—nerds drool," right? Well, maybe not—at least not so fast.

Data uncovered by matchmaker shows that so-called "nerds" are winning the Rule of 12. What is The Rule of 12? The Rule of 12 is that the average guy has to send messages to nearly 12 different women before getting a single response on a mainstream dating site. But after analyzing thousands of messages, the professional love life hackers at claim that nerds beat the Rule of 12 by 200 percent.

That is, nerd-savvy profiles generate one response for every six messages. Profiles that reflect men's inner geek and intelligence generate the most responses. So how are nerds beating The Rule of 12 when it comes to online dating for men?

The traditional definition of a "nerd" from Merriam-Webster is "an unstylish, unattractive, or socially inept person; one slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits." Apparently there's something disarming about nerd humor and hobbies, not to mention intelligence, as a key component of sexual selection, the folks at said.

Indeed, the writers at PDA said they have found that when they go heavy on the geek speak, they're getting positive laughter from the ladies.

The ironically named Matthew Valentines, CEO and founder—and self-described Chief Nerd Officer—of, said: "Women want to see who you really are. The best way for tech guys to compete for women's attention online is not to hide their passion for Star Trek and JavaScript, but to own it."

Valentines went on to say: "Tech nerds represent not just 76 percent of our members; they're also our most successful online daters by a statistically relevant margin. The meek shall inherit the earth, but our nerds are winning the online dating game—especially in cities like New York or San Francisco, where it truly is revenge of the nerds."

Valentines, who possesses a mix of tech and business acumen, said he had to overcome his initial geekiness and inhibitions with women and dating.

"I could not approach at first," he said. "I'd stand there, my back against the wall, unable to move from approach anxiety. Eventually I was able to open my mouth to speak, and create a conversation from nothing. From there, I held conversations longer and longer, until about three months in, I finally saw some results."

However, he quickly became hooked on online dating.

"I love the online dating game," Valentines said. "But it's exhausting. As men, we have to do everything. Grab her attention, create a conversation, make her laugh, convince her you're not a serial killer, suggest a get together, overcome objections, and get rejected multiple times before winning that one coveted baby step token of pre-approval—her phone number."

However, busy men capture more online dates through the use of a virtual dating assistant who manages their online dating efforts on their behalf, Valentines said.

His New York City-based dating assistance shop is making some waves in the world of online dating. Individuals hire attorneys, companies hire PR representatives, and homebuyers hire real estate agents for the same reason—to have a professional communicate on their behalf.

So, why do providers like generate so much controversy surrounding their dating concierge service? Valentines says it should all be about the results. Nerds are winning now, but they and many other types of men still need a helping hand when it comes to online dating, he said.

"We simply make introductions, rather than try to foster premature relationships on the sites," Valentines said. "For men, winning date opportunities online is repetitive, time-consuming, and emotionally draining. Most give up too early on the process."

That's where an online wingman or "wingwoman"—many of PDA's assistants are women—like comes into play. "Busy executives outsource their online marketing; why shouldn't people outsource their online dating?" Valentines said.



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