Kill Time with 15 Totally Useless iPhone Apps

by Nicholas Kolakowski

$2.99″From the wacky creators of iBeer,” boasts the App Store description for this app, which sets a virtual ladybug and cockroach scurrying over your device’s screen. Users can feed, tickle and even shake the little vermin.

$0.99One of the more well-known “useless” apps, iBeer turns the iPhone or iPod Touch screen into a full pint of beer, which can then be “sipped” by tilting the device. Shaking the iPhone will make the beer “foam.”

Free”Star Wars” fans out there might get a kick out of this app, which lets you customize and then draw and swing around (with appropriate sound effects) a lightsaber. Except you can’t actually duel with other iPhone owners, which somewhat limits the experience.

$2.99The usefulness of this App is directly proportional not just to how much you believe in the spirit world, but to whether you believe that the spirit world and its “electromagnetic radiation fluctuations” can be picked up using an iPhone 3G S—the only model that ghosts are apparently willing to communicate with.

FreeMany bubble-wrap-popping apps exist in the App Store, but this one claims to be the original. Your goal, should you be really, really, really bored, is to pop bubble wrap by tapping the screen.

$0.99Never mind that the whole Christopher Walken-inspired “More cowbell” meme is older than dirt—a number of apps will let you ring a cowbell by tapping the screen repeatedly, sometimes in conjunction with a power song from your music library. Guaranteed to irritate anyone within a 10-yard radius.

FreeThe superstitious iPhone or iPod Touch owner now has a virtual slab of wood to tap on. Except it’s not actually, well, wood …

$0.99The painful convergence between the iPhone and apps with the word “cow” in their titles continues with “Cow Toss,” which lets the user flick his or her finger and send a virtual cow flying into space. There’s also a scoring system that nobody can seem to figure out.

FreeThis app displays a fingerprint on your screen, which you’re expected to press until, well, you feel bored. “Think [you’re] patient?” the App Store description reads. “Think you have willpower?” Think you don’t have enough to do?

FreeAs if a raised hand weren’t enough, this iPhone app flashes “TAXI” in black and yellow, supposedly attracting hacks to your location like moths to flame. It also features a whistle, activated by tapping the screen.

FreeIf you’re the type who walks around wondering whether the day’s official terrorist threat level is yellow, orange or red, then this is the app for you.

$0.99A variant on the near-notorious “I Am Rich” App, which cost a lot of money and the only function of which was to display a large jewel, this app displays a single penny.

FreePress the rubber duck and watch it squeak. Repeat until you decide to do something productive.

FreeThe cow’s reign of terror in the App Store continues with this app, which makes a “moo” sound when you flip the phone upside down. “It may amuse your 3-year-old for several minutes,” says the description. Truth in advertising right there.

FreeIf you ever wanted your iPhone or iPod Touch screen to snow, now’s your chance.