Technology Thats Not for the Faint of Heart

written by Deb Donston; illustrated by Brian Moore

In-vehicle DVDs Yes, DVD players are distracting to the driver of the car in which they’re installed, especially if there are a couple of kids in the back seat. But have you ever driven behind a car with one of those things going? It’s really hard not to … Hey? is that Tinky-Wink … AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

iPods If you turn up your iPod too loud, sure, you can damage your eardrums. But have you ever used the flywheel to find that perfect song while out for a walk or jog? The one that will inspire you to go that extra mile? Dang, where is “Walking on Sunshine”? Ah, here it is under Menu/Music/Artists/Katrina and the … AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

Laptops I’ll just say this: Hot laptop + polyester fleece pants = AAAHHHHHH!!!!! (And doesn’t smell that great, either.)

Smart Phones Who named them smart? Let me just, er, answer this call while I, ah, try to find the information the caller wants while I, er, attempt to type in a reply to a text message and then, er … AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

GPSes Turn left. OK. This is great–no more fumbling for directions. Turn right. I’ll never get lost again–my sorry sense of direction wont be a problem anymore! Turn right. Um, there doesn’t seem to be a road here, but that nice lady is telling me to turn. The system must be smarter than me. OK, maybe I should turn. Turning … AAAHHHHH!!!!!

DVRs You mean, I can record all the shows I like? No matter what time theyre on? The Food Network cooking shows? The Home & Garden fix-it shows? The “Andy Griffith Show” and “Green Acres” on TV Land? “Kind of Queens” four times a day? “Wife Swap”? “The Apprentice”? “Survivor”? “The Biggest Loser”? “The Surreal Life”? Brain is … starting … to … slow … down. Not … sure … howw to spel so good no moore … must stop wachin … AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

E-mail Its clear that sticks and stones hurt, but, contrary to the popular saying, words can be painful, too. Sarcasm, irony and a dry sense of humor are particularly dangerous in a communications vehicle without facial and tonal context. Not to mention the message you didn’t mean to sen … AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!