Top 5 Strange Things Google’s CEO Said Today

SES Conference, San Jose — Google CEO Eric Schmidt employed a Donald Rumsfeld-esque form of verbal ninjitsu today when he said click fraud metrics are difficult to understand because “It’s hard to know because you don’t know what you don’t know.”

Schmidt also took advantage of the SES keynote to educate the audience on metrics concerning the number of tivos in the world versus the number of outhouses, a topic this humble reporter was not previously conversant in.

“It turns out,” Schmidt said, that whereas outhouses used to outnumber Tivos, Tivos are now more popular and “the number of outhouses is decreasing by about .1% each year.”

The comparison is valid because Tivos allow you to get rid of the crap you don’t want to watch, whereas outhouses simply help you get rid of crap.

Schmidt’s keynote took a turn from surreal to grim, however, when he began talking about crazy people, murderers, and abortion doctors.

Schmidt said that fortunately, “the number of crazy people is small. The smart people are ahead of the crazy people.” However, we should all keep a lookout for “terrible, terrible crazy idiot murderers” who could use data on the Internet for malicious purposes.

Note: All these quotes were taken from Schmidt’s keynote today. I may have gotten the outhouse statistic wrong, but that’s only because I was too busy throwing up in my mouth.