RSAs Nothing to Sneeze At

Ellison Skips Event With a 'Code' and Restaurants on His Mind

Whoda thunk it," purred the Puss. "After watching all of Apples Mac vs. PC ads, youd think Bill Gates would be more susceptible to a virus than Larry Ellison." The Katt was referring to the fact that a virus allegedly forced Oracle head honcho Ellison to bail on his keynote speech during last weeks RSA Conference in San Francisco. Although Hasan Rizvi, Oracles vice president of security and identity management, filled in to inform the faithful about Oracles enterprise information seeker Secure Enterprise Search 10g, attendees longed to see flu-laden Larry.

Despite the recent wacky rumor that Oracle is secretly attempting to acquire SAP—at what would be about $50 a share—El Gato entertained his own furry fantasies that Larry might seriously be considering a career change. Just weeks after the Kitty noted that Ellison had plans to open two restaurants in Malibu, Livin Large Larry reportedly purchased the 21-room Casa Malibu Inn for $20 million. "Im thinking Larry really wants to get into the bed and breakfast biz," laughed the Lynx.

Realizing hed had his fill of Frisco, especially after seeing Microsofts Gates pitch his OpenID security plans (or, as one fellow attendee called it, "Passport II: The Revenge"), the Katt scatted back to Beantown. Once home, His Hirsuteness was appalled that his cab ride to the Litter Box was delayed by crowds gathering to watch Tim Allen and John Travolta shilling their new comedy film, "Wild Hogs," on Bostons City Hall Plaza.

As the Grimalkin glared out the taxi window at Tim the Tool Man and Vinnie Barbarino, a call came through on the KattPhone. The caller was a Mac maven who told the Mouser that the SECs investigation of Apples Steve Jobs, regarding possible stock option backdating, may intensify and force Jobs to temporarily step down during the probe. The bizarre twist to the rumor is that Google CEO and Apple board member Eric Schmidt would temporarily fill Jobs shoes until the matter is settled. "Yeah, and Microsoft will release a Zune phone by December," cackled the Kitty.

The caller informed Spence that a Zune phone by Christmas was actually the latest buzz out of the Redmond rumor mill. "Microsoft is also rumored to be planning a reward system for Xbox 360 gamers who achieve certain goals," claimed the caller. "Yeah, why should kids be trying to cure cancer or achieve world peace when they can win prizes for reaching new levels in gaming?" pouted the Puss.

Spence soon admitted he was just cranky because some vain actors were delaying his ride, prompting his pal to note that San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom, who recently issued an apology for having an affair with the wife of one of his aides, is currently dating actress Jennifer Siebel, the niece of Siebel Systems founder Tom Siebel. Remembering that Oracle bought Siebel in 2005 for $5.8 billion, the Tabby tittered: "Well, Tom should just be glad Jennifer didnt meet Larry first."