Ticked at your former boss? Fed up with your dirtbag girlfriend/boyfriend? Or perhaps your meddling mother-in-law has finally gone too far. If youre ready to get even, then the Web is at your service.
For those looking for some creative insults to spice up the usual invectives, check out www.tconl.com/~sjcarte/shakesp. Its a deeply satisfying engine that generates spleeny Shakespearean-style epithets. That boss can become a “vain, boil-brained clack-dish.” Sleazeball boyfriend? Why he might well be a “paunchy, ill-breeding joithead.” In any case, theyll probably be momentarily stumped for a comeback.
If saucy insults arent enough for you, its time to move on to more direct retribution: The nastygram. A plethora of sites cater to those who wish to Send the Very Worst, usually in the form of an e-mail message. Be forewarned that most are in poor taste, but, of course, thats the point. An excellent site for this kind of thing is www.insults.net. It offers myriad insult categories from relationships to politics and even features a kids section. Sending the offending e-mail is so easy and quick it makes you want to make enemies just to be able to send more.
For those who simply must escalate to the unforgivable, there is ughmail — dead fish, melted chocolate, and worse — that can be sent anonymously via the Web. Unlike the lesser forms of e-based insults, these will cost you. At Thepayback.com, the bad-breath package (mouthwash, toothpaste and letter) costs $11.95 with free shipping. The dead fish pack conveniently rots in transit for $19.99.
The creme de la revenge is, of course, dogdoo.com. Without going into too much detail, this service will send your loathed one an unpleasant package containing the genuine article. Rates range from $15 for the economy pack to $35 for the “PooPoo Grande.”