Why pick up after your dog when an internet startup will do it for you?
A company called PooperApp claims that, after your dog does his business, all you have to do is take a picture of the result using their Pooper app, press a button, and a "Scooper" (a freelance poop-removal professional) will drive to the location and remove the offending pile. Their slogan is: "Your dog's poop in someone else's hands."
Pooper is a subscription service. "Pooper Basic" gives you two scoops a day for $15 a month; "Pooper Plus" offers 3 scoops a day for $25 a month, and (my favorite) "Pooper Elite" gives you unlimited scoops for $35 a month.
It all sounds like a hoax, but the company assured me that it's legit. If the company is for real, it sure improves walking your dog so much better for the chronically lazy. Now all you dog walkers have to do is walk.
Or do you?
A new product from a Japanese company called Cocoa Motors called the WalkCar lets you "walk" your dog without walking. Just stand there.
The WalkCar is electric, looks like a bathroom scale and is controlled by leaning. Unlike an electric skateboard, such as the Boosted Board skateboard, the WalkCar can't go far or fast, do tricks, nor can it be used without electrical power. But you can stand on the WalkCar and it will move over relatively flat, smooth surfaces at walking speeds—but you ride—not walk.
In fact, not walking is one of the great new lifestyle choices available to the super lazy.
Sometimes you have to travel for business or want to travel on vacation. Most of that travel might involve flying or taxi rides, but you still have to walk from the taxi to the airline ticket counter, then from the ticket counter to the gate.
Or do you?
A new suitcase called the Modobag doubles as an electric scooter. Just pull the handle out, straddle the bag and take off.
This TSA- and FAA-approved carry-on Modobag bag costs around $1,000. It tops out at 8 miles-per-hour and the battery will drive you about 6 miles. You control it with a steering column and quick-release foot pedals.
USB ports let you charge your gadgets off the Modobag's lithium-ion battery. It comes with a tracking app so you can find it if somebody takes it. And, of course, you can sit on the Modobag while waiting for your flight, because if you're too lazy to walk through an airport, you're too lazy to stand.
Once you land at your destination, you may want to play a few rounds of golf. And if you're too lazy to walk the course, you'll have to grab a golf cart.
Or do you?
A newish conveyance called the GolfBoard lets you "surf" the course at up to 12.5 mph. It's like a large, electric skateboard optimized for golf course terrain. It's large enough to carry your golf bag, too.
The GolfBoard people tout the many benefits of moving across a golf course on a GolfBoard, including a faster rate of play that enables you to get more games in. But let's face it. The GolfBoard is just an easy way for lazy golfers or perhaps the physically handicapped to play.
If that's not easy enough, there's always Bubba Watson's Golf Cart Jetpack. Sure, it's a publicity stunt by Martin Aircraft Company, which makes the jetpack, and the Oakley sunglasses people, but a lazy golfer can dream, can't he?
The new "on-the-couch economy" means nobody has to exercise anymore, but at least we can eat healthy food. All you have to do is learn which healthy ingredients to buy, learn how to make those ingredients into healthy meals, and then take the time each day to make healthy, home-cook meals.
Or do you?