Ballmers Admissions Send Katt Into Alternate World

El Gato pinched himself to make sure he hadnt drifted into some alternate reality. Surely it couldnt be the Steve Ballmer from the Kittys universe telling attendees at Microsofts Fusion in L.A. last week, “We havent figured out how to be lower-priced than Linux.”

As the Furballs head spun, his geekier side tried to draw on his vast classic “Star Trek” knowledge. If this actually were a parallel dimension, shouldnt this Ballmer have a goatee or wear a bare midriff shirt and sash combo? “Wait, whats he saying now?” yelped the perplexed Puss. The Kitty heard Ballmer saying something about Microsoft having a higher price but also having additional value and how “that value actually leads to a lower cost of ownership, despite the fact that our price may be higher.”

“Whew!” proclaimed the Puss through tears of joy. “This is definitely my home planet.”

Secure in the knowledge that his feet were planted on terra firma, the Kitty turned his attention to the rumblings hes been hearing that Dell may be jumping into the printer business. Though the Round Rock, Texas, PC maker has publicly squashed rumors that it was looking to purchase printer manufacturer Lexmark International, a Katt crony told the Kitty that the possibility of a Dell-branded printer line somewhere down the road may not be a totally out-of-this-world scenario.

One of the Furballs friends spied New England Patriots owner Bob Kraft at a table with CMGI Chairman David Weatherell and CFO Thomas Oberdorf in an upscale coffeehouse near the beleaguered companys Andover, Mass., headquarters. This caused the Katt crony to speculate whether the money-losing CMGI, whose shares have plummeted from $160 to less than $1, may be looking for a way out of its stadium-naming sponsorship deal with the Super Bowl-winning Pats. Although the tattler couldnt get close enough to hear anything really juicy, he did note that the trio wasnt partaking of the pricey sandwiches offered by the eatery. “Well, I suppose the company could always save money by putting the CMGI Field sponsorship up for grabs on its Ubid.com auction site,” cackled the Kitty. “But I hear Ubid started charging sellers a listing fee last week.”

After chuckling in his June 17 column over the fact that the consulting arm of PricewaterhouseCoopers was separating from the accounting firm and changing its name to Monday, the Kitty heard from a few folks who pointed him to a parody site aimed at the newly named consultancy. Check out www.introducingmonday.co.uk and watch the presentation for yourself.