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    Comcast: The Voyage

    By
    Andrew Garcia
    -
    February 21, 2009
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      “Man, I hate the Comcast DVR. I thought it would be fine as a secondary recording device, but it just keeps letting me down. I think I will call Comcast and cancel the DVR service.” 1-800-COMCAST phone tree (with lots of paraphrasing): (Attempt #1) -Thank you for calling -Please enter your phone number (##########) -For english Press1 For Spanish Press 2 (pressed 1) -Please hold while we process *waiting* – To order a digital to analog converter press 1, to activate it press 2, any questions press 3, unrelated issues press 4 (pressed 4) *waiting* – ad for pay per view boxing, want it for $44.95 press 5, or stay on line for main menu *waiting* – trouble with your service press 1, billing inquiry press 2, transfer or add services press 3, downgrade or cancel service press 4 (pressed 4) -We are experiencing longer than usual wait time, want to check on your account online? Or you can hold. *waiting* – To downgrade service press 1, to discontinue service press 2 (pressed 1) *wait 5 seconds *hangs up on me (Attempt #2) -Thank you for calling -Please enter your phone number (##########) -For English Press1 For Spanish Press 2 (pressed 1) -Please hold while we process *waiting* – To order a digital to analog converter press 1, to activate it press 2, any questions press 3, unrelated issues press 4 (pressed 4) *waiting* – ad for pay per view boxing, want it for $44.95 press 5, or stay on line for main menu *waiting* – trouble with your service press 1, billing inquiry press 2, transfer or add services press 3, downgrade or cancel service press 4 (pressed 4) -We are experiencing longer than usual wait times, want to check on your account online? Or you can hold. *waiting* – To downgrade service press 1, to discontinue service press 2 (pressed 1) *waiting* – all customer service is very busy, have you heard about call back service? – want a call back press 1, want us to explain call back press 2, *wasn’t listening* press 3, or continue to wait *waiting 12 minutes with lovely music *music stops *5 minutes on hold with silence *hangs up on me (Attempt #3) -Thank you for calling -Please enter your phone number (##########) -For english Press1 For Spanish Press 2 (pressed 1) -Please hold while we process *waiting* – To order a digital to analog converter press 1, to activate it press 2, any questions press 3, unrelated issues press 4 (pressed 4) *waiting* – ad for pay per view boxing, want it for $44.95 press 5, or stay on line for main menu *waiting* – trouble with your service press 1, billing inquiry press 2, transfer or add services press 3, downgrade or cancel service press 4 (Pressed 3 – that will fool ’em) – more menus, uh oh, I’m not listening to them – to add or change your service, press 2 (press 2 quick, quick!) “Hi this is Brad, can I help you.” “Yeah, I would like to cancel the DVR service on my account.” “I’m sorry, you can’t do that over the phone. You have to return the unit to a Comcast store.” “But I want to keep the cable box for On Demand and digital cable.” “That box has a hard drive in it, so you have to swap it out with a different unit. Would you like me to direct you to a Comcast store near you?” “No thanks, I know where it is.” “Thank you for calling Comcast.” *hang up Good lord, why do I continue to give this company my money. Oh that’s right, they won’t let me not give it them.

      Andrew Garcia
      Andrew cut his teeth as a systems administrator at the University of California, learning the ins and outs of server migration, Windows desktop management, Unix and Novell administration. After a tour of duty as a team leader for PC Magazine's Labs, Andrew turned to system integration - providing network, server, and desktop consulting services for small businesses throughout the Bay Area. With eWEEK Labs since 2003, Andrew concentrates on wireless networking technologies while moonlighting with Microsoft Windows, mobile devices and management, and unified communications. He produces product reviews, technology analysis and opinion pieces for eWEEK.com, eWEEK magazine, and the Labs' Release Notes blog. Follow Andrew on Twitter at andrewrgarcia, or reach him by email at [email protected]

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