Comcast: The Voyage

“Man, I hate the Comcast DVR. I thought it would be fine as a secondary recording device, but it just keeps letting me down. I think I will call Comcast and cancel the DVR service.” 1-800-COMCAST phone tree (with lots of paraphrasing): (Attempt #1) -Thank you for calling -Please enter your phone number (##########) -For english Press1 For Spanish Press 2 (pressed 1) -Please hold while we process *waiting* – To order a digital to analog converter press 1, to activate it press 2, any questions press 3, unrelated issues press 4 (pressed 4) *waiting* – ad for pay per view boxing, want it for $44.95 press 5, or stay on line for main menu *waiting* – trouble with your service press 1, billing inquiry press 2, transfer or add services press 3, downgrade or cancel service press 4 (pressed 4) -We are experiencing longer than usual wait time, want to check on your account online? Or you can hold. *waiting* – To downgrade service press 1, to discontinue service press 2 (pressed 1) *wait 5 seconds *hangs up on me (Attempt #2) -Thank you for calling -Please enter your phone number (##########) -For English Press1 For Spanish Press 2 (pressed 1) -Please hold while we process *waiting* – To order a digital to analog converter press 1, to activate it press 2, any questions press 3, unrelated issues press 4 (pressed 4) *waiting* – ad for pay per view boxing, want it for $44.95 press 5, or stay on line for main menu *waiting* – trouble with your service press 1, billing inquiry press 2, transfer or add services press 3, downgrade or cancel service press 4 (pressed 4) -We are experiencing longer than usual wait times, want to check on your account online? Or you can hold. *waiting* – To downgrade service press 1, to discontinue service press 2 (pressed 1) *waiting* – all customer service is very busy, have you heard about call back service? – want a call back press 1, want us to explain call back press 2, *wasn’t listening* press 3, or continue to wait *waiting 12 minutes with lovely music *music stops *5 minutes on hold with silence *hangs up on me (Attempt #3) -Thank you for calling -Please enter your phone number (##########) -For english Press1 For Spanish Press 2 (pressed 1) -Please hold while we process *waiting* – To order a digital to analog converter press 1, to activate it press 2, any questions press 3, unrelated issues press 4 (pressed 4) *waiting* – ad for pay per view boxing, want it for $44.95 press 5, or stay on line for main menu *waiting* – trouble with your service press 1, billing inquiry press 2, transfer or add services press 3, downgrade or cancel service press 4 (Pressed 3 – that will fool ’em) – more menus, uh oh, I’m not listening to them – to add or change your service, press 2 (press 2 quick, quick!) “Hi this is Brad, can I help you.” “Yeah, I would like to cancel the DVR service on my account.” “I’m sorry, you can’t do that over the phone. You have to return the unit to a Comcast store.” “But I want to keep the cable box for On Demand and digital cable.” “That box has a hard drive in it, so you have to swap it out with a different unit. Would you like me to direct you to a Comcast store near you?” “No thanks, I know where it is.” “Thank you for calling Comcast.” *hang up Good lord, why do I continue to give this company my money. Oh that’s right, they won’t let me not give it them.