A Tale of Three Steves

Opinion: Wozniak looks south; Jobs loses his bid; Ballmer slams the iPhone.

"Live from New York, its Saturday Night," howled the Don Pardo-like Puss, assuming the buzz that Apple legend Steve Wozniak and Apollo 11 astronaut Buzz Aldrin are planning to drive a hydrogen-powered Hummer to the South Pole had to be a late-night TV skit.

Alas, the Baron of Babble was bemused to find that truth is stranger than fiction and that the duo are indeed seeking permission to use the Trans-Antarctic Highway, a road usually reserved for researchers, for a road trip to promote the use of alternative fuels. More information on whats being called the Zero South expedition, planned for December, can be found at drivearoundtheworld.org. "Mmm, a spaceman and an astronaut riding a hydrogen-fueled monster truck to the bottom of the planet—Quentin Tarantino should be fighting for the movie rights to this one," cackled the Kitty.

Suddenly, the KattPhones new ring tone, "Walls Come Tumbling Down" by The Style Council, brought forth a call from an Apple watcher who said Steve Jobs recently lost a major court appeal to tear down his Woodside, Calif., manse. Jobs has been battling a historic preservation society, Uphold Our Heritage, for years for the right to tear down the Jackling House, a Spanish Colonial Revival-style home built in 1926, which he bought in 1984. Jobs has wanted to build a new home on the property but has been consistently blocked by the group. The pal told the Furry One to check out friendsofthejacklinghouse.org for more details.

Spence soon skatted off to lunch with an old tech vet at Jasper Whites Summer Shack in Beantown. After ordering two Sam Adams Summer Ales, the Kitty told the pal that in his last column he had scoffed at Linux watchers who were assuming that Dell might soon offer boxes preloaded with Ubuntu 7.04 Linux just because a Dell Web page said Michael Dell owned a laptop running the software. Sure enough, one week later it seems that the company is actually preparing such an offering for consumers. "Hey, a hirsute hottie like me can be wrong once in a while, no?" laughed the Lynx.

While devouring some fish and chips, Spences pal pointed out that Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer found a chance to take yet another public jab at the Apple iPhone, this time telling USA Today: "Theres no chance the iPhone is going to get any significant market share. No chance. Its a $500 subsidized item."

The pal also said hed heard that former Hewlett-Packard boss Carly Fiorina has been telling audiences at various speaking engagements that she found drinking was essential to deal making, especially in Asian countries, and that she had to create a few personal ground rules to avoid total inebriation. Fiorina said one should mentally prepare, physically prepare (by carbing up before imbibing) and never sip (because the mouth absorbs alcohol faster). "It sounds like you would still wake up with an ungodly merger … er, I mean hangover, regardless," quipped the Kitty.

Dont forget me at go.eweek.com/kattoon

Spill your guts at spencer_katt@ziffdavis.com, or give the Katt a howl at 781-938-2627.

Spencer F. Katt

Spencer F. Katt

Spencer F. Katt, the Whiskered Wonder, has been the mascot and tipster extraordinaire for eWEEK and its predecessor print publication PC Week since 1984. The Gadabout Gatto makes the rounds of...