Suits Are Music to Katts Ears

Opinion: Intel gets a little more time; SCO finds Jones 'unfindable'.


"Give me just a little more time," sang Spence, giving the old Chairmen of the Board song all he had. El Gato was inspired to croon the old classic when he heard a judge had given Intel an extension to explain why it lost thousands of internal e-mails deemed essential by AMD in proving its antitrust suit against the chip maker.

Most likely, Intel will seek to persuade the judge to give it yet another extension after the deadline by citing the costs and time it will take to recover such a vast amount of deleted e-mails. "Or maybe Intel could sway the court by getting Craig Barrett and the rest of its chairmen of the board to sing a couple of choruses of the old chestnut for the judge," laughed the loopy Lynx.

Suddenly, the KattPhones new ring tone, "Perry Mason" by Ozzy Osbourne, startled the Matlock-like Mouser. The caller was a Penguinista pal who pointed out that while continuing its never-ending IP suits against IBM and Novell, SCO has recently filed papers claiming it was unable to subpoena Webmistress Pamela Jones.

SCO, which also has questioned whether Jones is a real person or a pseudonym created by IBMs lawyers, claims that Jones has managed to evade being served court papers by SCO attorneys. The "unfindable" Jones has stated on her Web site that "no one came to serve me that I ever knew about."

The pal also said SCO recently tried to prove Groklaw must be in cahoots with IBM because it ran on IBM-donated ibiblio servers, a collection of public domain servers at the University of North Carolina. Amusingly, Groklaw quickly countered that SCO itself directs its OpenServer and UnixWare customers to retrieve necessary source code for the products at—an old URL for what is now the collection of information known as ibiblio. "So, if using ibiblio means youre in bed with Big Blue, I guess SCO vs. SCO will be the next case on the docket," bubbled the Barrister of Babble.

Bidding the caller adieu, Spence skatted off to hook up with a crony at Whos on First, a Beantown hot spot for Red Sox fans. Lamenting his inability to score tickets for any of the opening games, the Drudge droned on about how much he wanted to see Bostons new pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka in action.

Upon ordering a round, the duo began to talk shop. "Ive heard some bizarre acquisition rumors lately—one source told me Cisco may be looking to acquire BEA," claimed the crony. "Ive also heard whispers that HP may be looking to scoop up SAP to help shake its rep as just a printer biz and compete head-on with IBM on the software front."

"Another crazy thing I heard lately is that police in Mexico City were offering an Xbox to anyone who turned in a handgun. It must be a trend, too, because police in Garner, N.C., have offered snitches the choice of either an Xbox, PS3 or Wii to whoever turns in a serial graffiti artist who has painted the word Ghost all over the town," said the crony. "Boy, if the Boston police offered Red Sox tickets for snitching or turning in guns, Id plant a .357 in Mama Katts purse faster than you could say Dice-K," groused the Grimalkin.


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Spencer F. Katt

Spencer F. Katt

Spencer F. Katt, the Whiskered Wonder, has been the mascot and tipster extraordinaire for eWEEK and its predecessor print publication PC Week since 1984. The Gadabout Gatto makes the rounds of...