Table for One

Spencer F. Katt prays for big Cognos sales.

Coming up for air after vendor meetings in the Big Apple, Spencer sat in Central Parks posh Tavern on the Green restaurant and pondered last weeks ruling by the Ninth District Court of Appeals declaring that bloggers cant be held for libel for any info they publish on their Web sites. But, the Beacon of Believability wondered, how far will some folks go, now that besmirching someones character online might be covered under freedom of speech?

As what appeared to be a snooty waiter swooped by and plopped down a tray of food, the famished Furball was shocked to be served a pile of Canadian bacon. Spence couldnt imagine such a hoity-toity dining establishment serving such an Elvis-like repast. But, of course, it was a clue from a Katt crony from up North. Under the pile of cardio Kryptonite, Spence spied a note claiming that Renato "Ron" Zambonini, CEO of Ottawa-based Cognos, has promised to conduct Cognos fourth- quarter earnings call in the nude if Cognos new ReportNet product doesnt do at least $10 million in revenue in the third quarter. Seems the Scottish-born Zambonini, whos certainly not a model candidate for any voyeuristic "up-kilt" Web sites any time soon, may have found the perfect way to move product.

As the wait staff ignored His Hirsuteness, Spence started to wish hed gone to Chilis. Much to the chagrin of surrounding patrons, the Furball jammed a DVD of "The Alamo" into his laptop and sparked up a stogie. Spence suddenly spied a Tabby tattler clinging precariously to the huge gorilla-shaped topiary outside. The branch- swinging whistle-blower held up placards that said IBM has quietly scrapped the Sametime brand in favor of the wordy, forgettable Lotus Web Conferencing and Lotus Instant Messaging. Big Blue itself says the changes mean "simpler, descriptive names designed to help make them more easily recognizable to customers." Sametimes less-heralded team collaboration cousin, Quickplace, gets the slightly easier-to-digest title Team Workplace. Although Notes and Domino stay untouched for the present, the company dismissed the previous monikers of the brands it changed as having been "Lotus-coined trade names." Me-ouch. Microsofts Pocket PC software has changed to a wordy moniker: Windows Mobile 2003 Software for Pocket PC. "It probably wont fit on the Pocket PCs screen in a readable font," cackled the Kitty.

Turning off The Duke, El Gato noticed an e-mail from a Katt crony saying rumors that HP might acquire BEA were heating up again. Certainly, HP has been a strong ally for distribution of the channel-challenged companys WebLogic Java app. The Kitty soon disappointedly perused the menu and howled, "No fajitas? What kind of dive is this?"

Spencer F. Katt

Spencer F. Katt

Spencer F. Katt, the Whiskered Wonder, has been the mascot and tipster extraordinaire for eWEEK and its predecessor print publication PC Week since 1984. The Gadabout Gatto makes the rounds of...