Lynx Lampoons Silly Side of Smart Tags

The puss pondered the pundit battle that began brewing last week over Microsoft's planned use of smart tags in Windows XP and Internet Explorer

The puss pondered the pundit battle that began brewing last week over Microsofts planned use of smart tags in Windows XP and Internet Explorer. Spencer visualized a marketing scheme that might help Microsoft soft-sell this controversial feature to the general public: a giant media campaign featuring ex-SNL comedian Kevin Nealons "Subliminal Man" character. Nealon could explain that the links (Jimmy Dean Sausage) would only help (the Beatles) to serve (U.S. Marine Corps) Web surfers in the long run (Nike).

"And if you dont want your Web pages loaded with smart tags," laughed the Lynx, "Nealon could mention that you just have to add some simple code (security) to your Web site."

Morale in the Verizon trenches is low and getting worse, said one Tabby tipster, who reported that as a cost-cutting move, the company ceased supplying bottled water. Cutting back on things like water particularly stings when employees consider that the co-CEOs, Charles Lee and Ivan Seidenberg, are jointly pulling down $170 million in stock options. Apparently, compensation and stock options for the duo jumped dramatically, even though shareholder value declined 20 percent last year, according to the companys union newsletter, [email protected]

The thirsty tattler also told the Kitty that Verizon might be angling to acquire a company in the Great White North by the end of Q3. Spencer assumed the most likely Canadian telecoms worth Verizons effort are Vodafone, Cable & Wireless and Nortel. "Although, given the current economy, Molson is about the only Canadian company Id be considering," groused the gossipy Grimalkin.

An enlightened fan of the Furry One pointed out an interesting theme in an advertising campaign Microsoft is using to promote Office XP. In the ad featuring a preppy-looking young man, the text reads, "Because he has the new Office XP, today he feels complete."

While Microsoft has often asked, "Where do you want to go today?" using Redmonds productivity applications as a path to inner peace had never dawned on His Hirsuteness. "It does have a more spiritual feel than the tag line, You want it. You need it. Now you can get it," mused the Madison Avenue-minded Mouser.

Of course, El Gato would never ridicule spiritual beliefs, but the recent e-mail campaign asking folks in the U.K. to enter "Jedi" as their faith on the national census form did amuse the Kitty. The e-mail claimed that officials would have to recognize Jedi as a religion if 10,000 people claimed Obi Wans creed as their faith. The Office of National Statistics decided to take a light saber to the notion.

Census authorities claim that for years, rabid soccer hooligans have claimed their favorite football team as their religion on the forms. According to officials, established religions have census code designations, and the census process automatically ignores fanatical followers of faux faiths like Jedi or Manchester United.

Spencer hears that Australia will take a harsher stance against anyone joining the e-mail rebel alliance. Anyone claiming the Force as their faith on census forms Down Under will be eligible for a $1,000 fine. "The Dark Lord of the Sith must reside in Sydney," quipped the Feline Menace.

Spencer F. Katt

Spencer F. Katt

Spencer F. Katt, the Whiskered Wonder, has been the mascot and tipster extraordinaire for eWEEK and its predecessor print publication PC Week since 1984. The Gadabout Gatto makes the rounds of...