Taking a U-Turn to the Future

Wheels, rumors spin in Katt-astrophic traffic tie-up.

If I could turn back time," chanted Le Chat, Cher-like, upon hearing that Google is expanding its news search. The search engine company is touting news.google.com/archivesearch, where newshounds will be able to access more news and media archives and locate and access digitized articles dating as far back as the 1700s and 1800s. "I hear Google users will be able to access Time magazine archives dating back to 1923," said a carpooling crony to the Kitty as the two inched their way through the loopy labyrinth thats known as Bostons Big Dig. "Ive got news for ya—I wish I had a rocket ship," fussed the Furball to his fellow commuter as the influx of the back-to-school crowd slowed their already-frustrating commute to a snails pace.


"Speaking of rockets, I heard the FAAs Office of Commercial Space Transportation has approved Amazon.com head honcho Jeff Bezos plans to test and launch his Blue Origin space program from his ranch in Van Horn, Texas," said the Tabbys traveling companion. The pal pointed out that whether or not Bezos space travel schemes seem a bit flighty, the FAA has declared them environmentally sound at least. "Hey, maybe thats why Brian Valentine, senior vice president of Microsofts Windows Core Operating System Division, has fled the Redmond campus and hooked up with Amazon.com," mused the Mouser. "He wants to explore the galaxy!"

The pal noted that Valentine, who toiled for the software maker for 19 years, is more likely exiting Redmond because hed been informed that as soon as Vista ships, he was to be shuttled off to an "unspecified position" and replaced by Microsoft Senior VP Jon DeVaan. Some have speculated that Valentine might help the e-tailer develop "Unbox," Amazon.coms rumored movie-downloading project. Fed up with the traffic, the Furry One spun the KattMobile into a McDonalds parking lot, and the two ventured in for breakfast. "From one clogged artery to another," joked Spence.

As the two ripped open their cholesterol-curdling concoctions, the pal told Spence that Microsoft will no longer support Windows XP SP1 after Oct. 10. "Time for all those slowpokes out there to finally upgrade to SP2," said the pal. "Hey, Kattman, McGriddle me this: Whose unsolicited offer to acquire Gateways retail operations for $450 million was recently turned down by the companys board?" queried the buddy. "That would be eMachines founder and second-largest Gateway shareholder Lap Shun Hui," said Spence. As the two resumed their journey, the pal told Spence that EMC may be looking to acquire Utah-based Altiris, a service-oriented management solutions provider. "Altiris would fill some virtualization gaps for EMC, but the cultural gap between the two could be a virtual nightmare," claimed the crony. Switching gears, the pal also noted that CA had to remedy a problem with its eTrust anti-virus software that had been identifying security elements of Windows Server 2003 as malicious software. "Are they really sure it was eTrust that needed the remedy?" chuckled the Katt.

Spencer F. Katt

Spencer F. Katt

Spencer F. Katt, the Whiskered Wonder, has been the mascot and tipster extraordinaire for eWEEK and its predecessor print publication PC Week since 1984. The Gadabout Gatto makes the rounds of...