Force Not Strong in the Furball

As Sci-Fi passes for tech rumors, Spencer searches for truth.

"Star Wars, nothing but Star Wars, give me those Star Wars, dont let them end," sang the Baron of Babble, Bill Murray-like.

"Are you singing that to commemorate the 30th anniversary of the sci-fi classic Star Wars?" a fellow eWEEKer asked the Tabby. "Naw, Im singing it because of the sci-fi thats passing for tech rumors lately," laughed the Lynx.

"Do you mean the rumor about an internal memo at Apple that said the iPhone might be delayed that actually caused Apples stock to drop before it was declared a fake?" asked the crony.

"No, I mean the rumors that Oracle may have bought an 8.2 percent stake in rival SAP to begin some intricate hostile takeover plan," said the Furball. "Besides, Oracle skipper Larry Ellison is still probably too busy licking his wounds and focused on finding a scapegoat to hang from the yardarm after losing his recent bid to win the Americas Cup," mused the Mouser.

Suddenly, the KattPhones new ring tone, "Call Me," by Blondie, brought forth a call from a Smooth Operator who noted that communications provider Mitels plans to acquire Inter-Tel may be put on hold. It seems private equity company Vector Capital has swooped in with a bid of $723 million for Inter-Tel—thats about 90 cents higher per share than Mitels offer.

The Smooth Operator also said that a recent Merrill Lynch report sees networking company Avaya as a perfect candidate for a leveraged buyout. "Theres certainly lots of money out there—and, by the way, Im also a perfect candidate for an LBO if any private equity company is looking to scoop up a feisty, 40-something feline," cackled the Kitty.

Bidding the caller adieu, Spence ran out to do a few errands at a nearby mall. There, while inhaling an Orange Julius and browsing at the Apple Store, El Gato overheard two Geniuses grousing about how Apple may soon be dropping the 17-inch iMac from the shelves, selling only 20- and 24-inch models going forward.

Spence was later startled as he heard a balloon pop at a party store as he exited the mall and imagined that Microsoft boss Steve Ballmers head probably did the same when rumors emerged last week that Google and were planning a partnership. Although CEO Marc Benioff didnt deny that such a pact was in the works, he also wouldnt comment on any plans being hatched by the two companies.

Back at the office, Spence checked out Sun co-founder Scott McNealy is a co-founder of the Web site, which provides a free platform for educators to share lesson plans and educational materials. The word "Curriki" is a play on the words "curriculum" and "wiki."

Spence skatted off for home when he realized his office mates were hunkering down in the conference room to begin a marathon viewing of all six "Star Wars" films. "Who are your favorite characters from the new Star Wars trilogy?" shouted a pal. "Uh, Kia Sedona, Tricoh Blend and, um, Toyota Prius," responded the Furry One as he frantically fled.


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Spencer F. Katt

Spencer F. Katt

Spencer F. Katt, the Whiskered Wonder, has been the mascot and tipster extraordinaire for eWEEK and its predecessor print publication PC Week since 1984. The Gadabout Gatto makes the rounds of...