Analysts Daze

Risibility in Redmond; EMT for BMC; backup against the wall

Normal folks often find their summer amusement at a giant theme park. Not Spencer. He was off to the Great Northwest for Microsofts financial analyst day at the Redmond campus. You want amusement? Bill Gates entertained the troops with his latest stand-up shtick, detailing how even he gets spam offering loans, online diplomas and legal services. "Hmm. Anything that accurately targeted is not spam," mused the Maven of Murmur, as he recalled Bills diploma-free flight from Harvard and his companys insatiable need for legal talent. That spammers might know the needs of their recipients made the paranoid Puss fret at the many "size matters" e-mail messages hes gotten.

Pieter Knook, Microsofts corporate vice president for mobile and embedded devices, had attendees yell out a number from 1 to 185—the number of analysts in the room—and gave the winner a mobile device. Spence glanced at his press release, which claimed that 300 attendees were present. "Creative accounting lives. This audience should feel right at home," lamented the Lynx.

The analysts did not disappoint as tipsters. One claimed to have heard that BMC Software CEO Bob Beauchamp is on shaky ground, as BMC recently reported another bad quarter and laid off almost 900 workers. Insiders say the company is restructuring and will close pricey offices in favor of lower-rent digs. Some observers, confided the crony, say Beauchamp isnt providing the needed vision. BMCs claim to lead in application performance management seems threatened since Sanjay Kumar recently cited new numbers from IDC that show CA has taken the title of No. 1 provider in that space.

The Analytical Amanuensis escaped the Redmond campus for a nearby bistro, where he sampled tasty morsels about a campaign to grab users of Legatos NetWorker backup software. EMC, which has a $1.3 billion acquisition of Legato pending, is used to staring into the jaws of competitors like IBMs Shark, but Legatos rivals are doing a serious great white imitation. Veritas Software is trying to put FUD in the water among Legato users by claiming that "now is the perfect time to re-evaluate your storage options." For every $5,000 worth of sales they book from Legato users switching over, Veritas sales reps get a chance in a lottery to win a Porsche 911. IBMs Tivoli group is offering its reps cash-incentive bonuses for turning Legato customers. "If I were a Legato customer switching to Veritas, Id tell the sales rep Im borrowing the Porsche every other Saturday," cackled the Kitty.

Upon hearing that Bob Hope had left the stage, Spence had one thought—before Howard Stern proclaimed himself "King of All Media," Leslie Townes Hope had long worn the crown.

Spencer F. Katt

Spencer F. Katt

Spencer F. Katt, the Whiskered Wonder, has been the mascot and tipster extraordinaire for eWEEK and its predecessor print publication PC Week since 1984. The Gadabout Gatto makes the rounds of...