Answering Noshers Calls

Opinion: Katt relishes giblets and tips in a midnight icebox raid.


Always willing to dish the dirt, but not dirty a dish, Spence pulled up a chair in front of his refrigerator and began picking at his post-Thanksgiving leftovers when he suddenly feared he was experiencing a heart attack. Realizing it had nothing to do with cranberries but was only the vibration of his BlackBerry buzzing in his jammie pocket, Spence juggled a drumstick and pie as he IMed with a Penguinista pal. The pal noted that rumors about Microsoft planning to toss a server appliance code-named Fresno into the SMB market next year have been deflated by bloggers on the Microsoft TechNet Web site. "For now, Fresno will simply remain the raisin capital of the world," claims the blog. "If true, it would be funny that Redmond would offer a client access license-free server while Ballmer is proclaiming IP infringement against the Linux world," mused the Mouser.

The thumber also Berried Spence that Lotus Development founder Mitch Kapor and a number of Silicon Valley fat cats have backed the nations first commercial "green" bank. The New Resource Bank of San Francisco will focus on investing in clean technology and environmentally sound ventures. Before bidding Spence adieu, the texter told Spence that Apple may announce an iPhone at its Macworld event in January. Rumors that Apple has a Taiwanese manufacturer already working on the devices have been bandied about through Blogville lately.

Sitting in his dark kitchen, illuminated only by the glow of his icebox, El Gato chomped on some taters and stuffing while he recalled that CNNs Larry King recently revealed, while interviewing Roseanne Barr, that hes never used the Internet. "What do you do, punch little buttons and things?" King queried the comedian. Spence found it hard to believe that King was so far out of it that hed never surfed the Web. "I guess if we asked Larry about secure devices, hed likely tell us that his suspenders provide fault-tolerant backup for his belt in configuring a secure trouser appliance," guffawed the Grimalkin, as he dipped a dinner roll into some congealed gravy.

Suddenly, the KattPhone distracted the Furball from his feast and brought a caller from Islandia who noted that former CA exec Sanjay Kumars vehicles were about to be seized for auction. Kumar, who was sentenced to 12 years for securities fraud, is being sued by his former employer for $14 million in legal fees that CA claims it put toward his defense. CA said it also believes Kumar transferred more than $20 million to his wife and $5 million to his daughters prior to his conviction. The caller claimed that among Kumars possessions heading for the government auction block, including his home and speedboat, were two Ferraris, which caused some CA watchers to wonder whether Kumars former CA boss and mentor Charles Wangs brother Anthony—a Ferrari collector—would be attending the auction. "Thats, like, some creepy karma, man," droned the dharma Drudge.


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Spencer F. Katt

Spencer F. Katt

Spencer F. Katt, the Whiskered Wonder, has been the mascot and tipster extraordinaire for eWEEK and its predecessor print publication PC Week since 1984. The Gadabout Gatto makes the rounds of...