Ballot-Time for Bonzo

An up'n Kumar no more; a Wyly coyote tries again.

Sent: Monday, October 4, 2004 12:21 AM
To: eWEEK readers
Subject: An upn Kumar no more; a Wyly coyote tries again

"I guess Jimmy Carters not the only one afraid somebody will monkey with the presidential election results from Florida," a civic-minded Spence snickered. El Gato was referring to a recent demonstration by intended to tar Diebolds electronic voting machines. The demo included a hirsute hacker named Baxter the Chimp, who wiped out voting results just by tapping a couple of computer keys. A Diebold spokesperson dissed the demo as nothing more than "a magic show" and said that, in a real election, voters would never have such "unfettered access to the system."

Suddenly, the KattPhones new ring tone, the theme from "The Monkees," melodically muddled the Mousers musings. The caller was a friend of the Furball, who said Computer Associates is revoking benefits from its former CEO, Sanjay Kumar, who was recently indicted on charges of securities fraud and obstruction of justice.

Lovely parting gifts CA had bestowed on Kumar, like home-security services, off-premises office space, telephone and network connections, and a personal assistant, have been canceled. "I wonder if that assistant is among the 800 employees the company is planning to lay off," pondered the Puss. Although the cuts are expected to be companywide, the friend claims the buzz inside CA is that anyone in the Managed Product Group or in the companys PIP (performance improvement plan) is feeling vulnerable. "I bet Gladys Knight never left her Pips feeling vulnerable," laughed the Lynx.

As Sanjay faces the music, his former mentor and the co-owner of the New York Islanders, Charles Wang, has been eyeing plans, which dont include Kumar, for a $200 million renovation of the Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum. Meanwhile, the duos old proxy-war foe, Dallas multimillionaire Sam Wyly, has filed a $1 billion lawsuit to recover "ill-gotten gains from CA directors and officers" on behalf of shareholders, said the pal.

Tired of chattering like a chimp on the phone all day, Spence indulged in a banana split at an ice cream parlor. There, he caught up with a crony who claimed Salesforce.coms newly launched service called sported a button on the site that promised to link a user to a live customer rep, but—surprise!—brought up a blank screen instead. The crony alerted Salesforce head honcho Marc Benioff, who instantly made his minions quit monkeying around and find the missing link. SalesLogix also recently launched a customer support platform, called Customer Service, but its offering focuses more on the service management space, while targets CTI (computer-telephony integration). "Vive la difference," tittered the Tabby, "cuz I hate when companies just ape one another."

Spencer F. Katt

Spencer F. Katt

Spencer F. Katt, the Whiskered Wonder, has been the mascot and tipster extraordinaire for eWEEK and its predecessor print publication PC Week since 1984. The Gadabout Gatto makes the rounds of...