Mastermind Ballmer Ad-Libs Jhole

El Gato was intrigued by some newspeak that Microsoft's Steve Ballmer incorporated into his Mastermind Interview at the Gartner Symposium last week in Lake Buena Vista, Fla.

El Gato was intrigued by some newspeak that Microsofts Steve Ballmer incorporated into his Mastermind Interview at the Gartner Symposium last week in Lake Buena Vista, Fla. Ballmer was extemporizing about the Liberty Alliance initiative that rival Sun had put together with industry partners.

In arguing that Liberty poses no threat to products like Microsofts Passport authentication service, Ballmer came up with an analogy that left more than a few attendees scratching their collective heads.

He invented this imaginary thing or product on the spot that he called Jhole, (apparently riffing on Suns Java, JavaBeans and J2EE themes) and tried to create a scenario that showed how Sun starts these initiatives that only address a part of a problem and dont really work well with other products.

Right after Ballmers improv, Compaqs Michael Capellas did his Gartner Mastermind Interview. When asked about Ballmers Jhole comments, Capellas said, "We have a great relationship with Microsoft—but I have no idea what Steves talking about."

"I never took that economics class where they discuss Jholes," mused the Mouser. "We only hypothesized about widgets."

Spencer was reminiscing about how giddy some of his geekier pals were when services like the now-defunct Kozmo. com were being touted as the wave of the future. The promise of having personal-care products, snacks, the latest CD, video or best-selling novel delivered to your door within an hour without leaving your keyboard had some of the Kittys nerdier pals salivating.

Well, maybe not the personal-care products. Anyway, with that in mind, the Kitty was amused when he stumbled upon The site, run by a Washington-state-based company named Emit, promises to allow users to complete divorce proceedings without ever appearing in court. For a measly fee of $249, you can ditch your spouse without the discomfort of having to actually face him or her in a courtroom. The service is available to California, Florida and Washington residents only.

"My geeky pals wouldnt hesitate to use the Web for such an important matter," laughed the Lynx. "But, unfortunately, most of them would have to start dating before theyd even need an online divorce service."

El Gato has received reports of some armchair warriors trying to wage their own war on terrorism. It seems some U.S.-based hackers decided to target any and all Afghanistan-based Web sites and dish out their own brand of justice.

Unfortunately, according to a Tabby tattler, the only sites the keyboard-pounding patriots could locate in the region turned out to be operated by U.S. intelligence agencies. The friend of the Furry One claimed that authorities asked the hackers to cease their cyber-sorties, which were inadvertently hampering U.S. efforts there.

"Reports that the disillusioned hackers later shook the Dorito crumbs from their shirts and utilized them to create a small mosaic of the Statue of Liberty remain unconfirmed," giggled the Grimalkin.

FYI: The University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee mascot is the panther, not the badger, as stated last week.

Spencer F. Katt

Spencer F. Katt

Spencer F. Katt, the Whiskered Wonder, has been the mascot and tipster extraordinaire for eWEEK and its predecessor print publication PC Week since 1984. The Gadabout Gatto makes the rounds of...